The Interchange I Am

This morning my husband complimented my work in the kitchen. He said, “You have gone from can-opener queen to gourmet sandwich maker!” I laughed at the description and yet without skipping a beat, these words from the the Divine Iliad came forth in response, “I am not life. Nor am I death. I am the interchange between the two.”

In the State in the Fire of October 2009, in a timeless flash of absolute Self-awareness, the universe belonging to a seemingly separate, formed body-self that seems to live and die by an infinity of tragic and comedic acts disappeared, and the formless Self unified in the Self of God was spontaneously known to be this interchange.

Immediately after the State, it was as if previously working brain connections had all been discontinued. By attempting to resume identification with the body-self divided from the State I seemed to lose all sense of waking balance; all balance resided within the Identity of the one undivided Self. It seemed, as I tried to continue being who I used to think I was, as if I was something like a brain injury survivor. I had to form new neuronal connections, one step, one thought, one idea at a time, that were in alignment with the knowledge of absolute unity, of absolute balance, that was revealed in the State. I had to discontinue all the old unbalancing programming and activities that had manufactured a brain that alternated between depression and mania with little to no middle ground, by recalling the nonlinear inner knowledge of balance and employing it on the linear surface. Almost nine years later, I believe I have succeeded in creating a balanced brain that functions not on the false programming that says by identification with the body that I may live and that I may die, but by the truth of the eternal Life of the interchange between life and death that is the Self of God I am.

Today, Aug 26, 2018, as I was riding my bike, the more I moved the body, the stiller I became within. I recognized this stillness. I parked the bike and sat the body down, under the wispy clouds and with the gentle tussle of wind on a children’s play apparatus, to rest in the interchange, one with the Self I am.

All descriptions of pairs of opposites remained in place, they did not wholly disappear as they did in the State in the Fire, and yet they all became both quantitatively and qualitatively one with the interchange. My seemingly separate body became one with the one body of creation that is eternally transforming in perfect balance between the pairs of opposite conditions that dictate the appearance and disappearance of mass. I called a friend. As I spoke to her, and described the State, I told her that my voice sounded like a recording playing back to me – a recording of words already spoken.

I am one with the interchange between life and death, between all pairs of opposites. I am one with the interchange between male and female, between hot and cold, between here and there, between cube of space and sphere of sun, between comedy and tragedy. I am one with the water becoming the clouds and with the clouds becoming water. I am one with the old becoming the young, and the young becoming the old: I am one with the entire cycle of the ending that never is, seemingly forming the beginning that never was. I, one with my Fathering Self, am one qualitative interchange between all seeming divisions of our unified Love.

After an hour or so of timelessness, the body remembered to seem to move in time as it grew tired of sitting in the playground. I balanced it back on the bike, and it rode mindlessly home. I laid it down for another three or so hours of timeless stillness that went by without interference by description. The dogs barked vigorously, the teenagers came and went in fits of raucous laughter, the hammer and saws of the construction next door played their jarring songs, and I was gloriously all of it, and none of it, as I rested purely in the interchange I am.

Copyright@Darcie French 2018

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