December 2007 ended the belief in the importance of the spacetime calendar. Beyond appearing appropriate in its daily use in consciousness, time stands still; time no longer marches on, inching towards “my death”.
The year prior had been spent with a focus on studying Dr David R Hawkins’ book “I: Subjectivity and Reality”, and meditating deeply on releasing blocks to Self-Awareness. Fear was the main energy of that period. The prospect of enlightenment was terrifying. There were blips of bliss though, and those highly effective glimpses into Truth “powered” the rocket ship.
There was intense fear of “having a stroke”. Because of my teacher there was faith in life after death, so not so much fear of the post-humus state – but there was intense fear of “the dying process”. Meditation would calm this fear for a time.
One night, December 18th, the body was put to bed and the mind told to meditate, and yet, the sensation of being about to “stroke out” would just not settle down. The head hurt and it seemed as if blood vessels pounded, and the body shivered and threatened to lose its contents from its orifices. The tension felt like a clinging to a live wire. Sleep was not possible. The fear of dying was intense, beyond description.
Then out of the blue I heard my teacher, Dr Hawkins’, voice in my head. His voice was filled with light and laughter.
“Well, if you are going to die, then die!” he exclaimed. I had total trust in him, and so I let go. All sensation left. I dropped instantly into a kind of anaesthetic-like void. Everything was different when I re-emerged. When time died, I stopped marching towards my death.