I felt compelled, when Mind began to flower with the truth of Self-control, to leave things “as they were” in order to focus on applying what I knew to moving the universe as I so desired. I left my husband, kids, career, pets, house, belongings and I moved the body to another country. I needed no other bodies but the one I could personally direct without force to move this way and that. After a couple weeks, though, I felt compelled by the inner Voice to return to the location and bodies of the way things were, but with the quiet knowledge that, being only One Person, everyone could, and would, join in transcendental knowledge and Self-controlled action.
And yet, even though retaining the blossoming truth, by my own lack of application of knowledge in the activities of daily living took the opening bouquet of knowledge from the forefront of Mind and by doing so placed it in the back and my thinking fell back into prior belief systems. I continued to make spiritual advances but it was a kind of two-steps forward, one-step back process.
And then after the spontaneous State in the fire (which wholly showed me the unreality of form and the absolute quality of being one with the fulcrum of the Self of God) that occurred about a year after I returned the Mind to its karmic responsibilities and the old patterns of daily living, I (again) took a step backwards, an even greater one, it seemed, for I wanted nothing more than to live forever in the State which “left” as spontaneously as it arrived. I developed an aversion to the body and it’s sense-based responsibilities – almost like an allergic response – which produced the effects of pain, muscle weakness and chronic fatigue, and a reversing of the polarities between day and night. Backed by the spiritual teachings I had discovered thus far that promoted only meditation, or “life within the Brahmajyoti” without pursuit “on Earth” of physical expression of desire, I wanted to leave my roles altogether. There was a period wherein I wanted nothing more than to “never have to return” to the way things were and given the accumulated effects of my erroneous thinking and (non) activities up until that point, I literally felt physically helpless to make the positive mental changes. For more than a few years, I lived awake and in ecstasy at night and zombified during the day as if Mind were a balloon floating on a string, never activating the body to follow Mind’s desires, and the body malfunctioned. The following is another quote from Walter Russell (part 12) that sums up what happened after I reached the Nirvana of being one with the quality of God’s electric thinking conceiving and completing bodies:
“You must always remember that DESIRE is of the Mind. Desire is expressed in thought-waves at the universal speed of thought polarity, which is 186,000 miles per second, and the knowledge, inspiration and conception which patterns your desire will come back to you at the same speed.
If this is all you want in life, however, you may sit at ease and commune with God with inspiring thought exchange, and be uplifted by it until your very body falls apart from inaction, which it will soon do.
You want more out of life than that, however. You wish to give form to your desires. You wish power to achieve. You wish to grow in physical and mental stature, build your body and other bodies, and manifest your thoughts and conceptions. This you can only do through physical action.”
The discovery of the works of Walter Russell seven years after the State in the fire and the physical inactivity and disability that followed it, with his concrete and scientific explanations that wholly matched up with the innate knowledge of the State brought me back from the trappings of erroneous belief systems and spiritual practices to the stark realization that I absolutely had to apply the gift of truth that was given. I had to “re-give”, through the impetus of my own effort, what I had been given in order to truly make progress. While awakening to the truth had occurred, at first in degrees and then all at once in a timeless flash, I did not immediately put the knowledge into action and there were unwanted consequences. So, slowly but surely, with the desire in Mind “to grow in physical and metal stature”, I made great efforts to balance the elements of the framework of my bodily creation and to begin to gain the inertia to back the greater abilities I desired to more easily emulate. Impetus is Self-willed desire for conception, and inertia is the desire-multiplied Self-will for that conception’s completion.
I will surely continue this momentum by expanding upon the the decision to act accordingly as the body repeats, based on the decisions and actions I make “now”.
The Heaven of the fulcrum of the Self is here, now – for everyone. It may take great effort at first to know this truth, and there may be seeming setbacks; but with perseverance, the desired effects of Self-knowledge and its applications do gain great momentum, and become virtually effortless to produce.