“When you perceive yourself without deceit, you will accept the real world in place of the false one you have made. And then your Father will lean down to you and take the last step for you, by raising you unto Himself.” (ACIM)
The perceptual subjectivities of the world are not God’s Idea of Reality. The illusion of a body image unfolding from its point of rest in the Godhead with all of its props for moving in spacetime can be but chronicled into a series of unrealities. The real world is Knowledge of Oneness with God and it can’t be Known through the senses as they but seem to divide it. As the senses are forgotten, though, as God “raises you unto Himself”, the subjectivities of perception become known to be unreal.
The Son of God has no past, present or future outside of Reality; sense recordings of polarized unrealities are not functions of the Absolute. The tuner that receives projected currents does not exist in Reality – One is Tuned to Reality by Unity with God. With Self-Realization, there is the Knowledge that one never left Reality to engage in unreality; only an idea was projected to be real. Heaven is Knowledge of Reality, or God’s Idea, Now.
However, in seeking to Know Reality, the Mind appreciates a sense of “coming full circle”. I can share, to a degree, to that extent. Even though I am one with my Source and by the projection of an image have in Reality gone nowhere, it appears on the screen of life that I have. To that end, I can further describe how I appear to have gone from “emo” or hating the body and being filled with negative emotions about it, to being “emo-free” or unaffected by problems at the body level.
To provide a sense of coming full circle, here is a simulated chronology of perceptual unrealities.
From a young age I felt innately uncomfortable with the body. It did not seem to wholly represent “me”, or that which is Aware of looking out through the event horizon the body provides. The body, to me, was like a straw to look through that framed only a small portion of existence. I resented its limitations.
In frustration I was “emo” as a preteen and teen. I believed there was “a God”, but not a “good” God. I believed God hated me just as much as I hated me. I avoided religious institutions because I would become overwhelmed with the sense that I was being judged by the congregation and their interpretations to be a sinner on the way to hell.
In my late twenties – early thirties I got an associate’s degree in social services, and then a bachelor’s degree in social work. I worked in community services for almost a decade and while I genuinely wanted to help others, I felt little joy in the work, nor did I feel any closer to being relieved of the sense of self-hatred. I had to help myself find my own peace, before I could help others find theirs.
In 2005, after being given the book Power vs Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior by Dr David R Hawkins MD PhD, I declared enlightenment to be my number one goal in life. I had to know how to transcend the intense discomfort with the body.
December 18, 2007, after a year essentially of meditation and of studying Dr Hawkins’ book “I: Reality and Subjectivity”, Christmas came early. The Christ within was “unveiled” and for several Glorious weeks I was in a state of “walking samadhi”.
During that time consciousness expanded to include a galactic view of God’s Body or the Universal Self. This view of what is invisible to the senses included the Knowledge that one puts strict limits on the Totality of the Universal Self by believing visible life “on the surface” to be all there is to living. I understood that there is an invisible side to life that is accessible through the release of the belief in the visible side as being “all there is”.
While mentally it was as if I was able to explore outer space “without a space suit”, I didn’t drive the car during this time as I felt disconnected from the body and discovered that the sensation of driving was how I imagined the sensation of hydroplaning might be like. It was absolutely delightful to notice the body as nothing but free-flowing movement that absolutely could not upset the Stillness of the Christ within.
Everything and everyone was funny and beautiful and glowing as if from the inside out. I was perfectly content to move about in the dark, as it seemed like nothing needed an outside light. Everything seemed as if lit from within. It was strange to me that people relied on electricity for Knowledge. All power was Known to be innate vs expressed.
In February 2008 I unwittingly turned back to the literal domain of being acutely conscious of attending to “the survival” of a seemingly disconnected-from-Source self, and the bliss of samadhi left.
By August of that year, I went through a mental and physical health breakdown. I had severe fibromyalgia and I felt overwhelmed by identification with a deep mental pain that could only be temporarily relieved by solitude and meditation. Awareness was ever present in meditation, or when I attempted to write about it, but would seem to leave when the mind/body resumed mundane activity. felt like I was acting in a play, and not being authentic with myself or the people around me. During this time I wished I could be a nun, or a monk. I left home and went to Sedona AZ for a couple weeks in September of 2008, and I met Dr Hawkins. The walking samadhi resumed almost as soon as I got on the bus. When I returned home, the walking samadhi left again.
Almost two years later, I would realize the full meaning of this quote from Walter Russell as the mind stopped seeking for samadhi and spontaneously rested in the Supreme, “The Realities of life are Balance, Love, Truth and the Law. These are the Qualities of Mind which you cannot see. You can only Know them. The unrealities of life you can alone see, for they cannot be Known. The Realities are Qualities of Mind at rest. The unrealities are quantities of sensed matter in motion.”
October 29, 2009, while leaving a house fire in the middle of the night, I spontaneously forgot the senses altogether to rest in the Absolute of God’s Idea.
“I” as the Supreme Personality, Knew only all of the Qualities described by Russell, in One. All form dissolved and all that was “left” was Pure Identity as my own Self in Supreme Balance. I was Awareness of the Perfectly Still Quality of Balanced Supreme Love Itself, without any sense or idea of motion or division. I was but the Known Quality of Perfect Equilibrium out of which arises all apparent division and motion.
I realized the Absolute Truth of the following quote from ACIM: “At no single instant does the body exist at all.” The body is breathed in and out of nothing but the Perfect Reality that is “Balance, Love, Truth and Law.”
When sense identification resumed, the world of effects no longer seemed real. In the world of effects, where unbalanced motion struggling to find balance is the common denominator, there could be found no Oneness of Balance, Love, Truth and Law.
I no longer wanted to identify with division from Oneness. Everyone seemed possessed by the idea of division and multiplication being necessary for survival (division and multiplication of bodies, time, resources), and I had died a perfect death in the One Still Reality that powers all of life. While out in the world with those moving about in fear of death I felt possessed by extreme anxiety, as if by acting like I was still vulnerable to the belief in death by division from Oneness that I wasn’t being “true” to my eternal Self.
In 2010, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I then spent several years withdrawn into myself, paralyzed from functioning “in the world” mentally or physically. I became an extreme introvert.
During 2013 I went through a bankruptcy and was at my lowest point. I was mostly bedridden. I wanted to “go home to God”; and yet, I knew that the ego’s deepest fantasy – my suicide – was no solution. By even believing that suicide was an option I was committing it passively. It seems that I was facing my own “dark night of the soul”.
In January 2014 I decided for physical recovery and started on the road to loving myself “in the body”. I stopped eating meat after a disturbing spontaneous effect wherein I went into the consciousness of the dead pig I was eating, and experienced its terror as it was put to death. I quit my long-time nicotine gum habit and started chewing raw healthy vegetables and fruits instead. I grew and ate fresh cannabis and got off of what had become chronic doses of anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, and narcotics for pain. I started riding an old bicycle to the produce store. At first I could only carry about $10 worth of fruit and vegetables back home. Eventually I could cycle home with $100 worth of produce on my bike.
Without the chronic withdrawal from meat, nicotine and medications, and the wound up muscular pain from the physical inactivity, my mental state and ability to function in the world improved dramatically. I’d started out in bed for most of the day, and after only six months of changing my mind, diet and physical activity regime, I was able to work for almost two years as a painter’s assistant.
Over 2015 I did A Course In Miracles a third time, and I read the Text Book and Manual for Teachers in conjunction with doing the workbook lessons. I suddenly understood why I believed I was “stuck in a body”, and I realized I had been going back and forth between listening and acting according to the noisy voice for ego and peacefully deferring to the quiet voice for God. Throughout this coaster ride, I had been holding special mind-body relationships aside from Truth and experiencing out the negative consequences.
In Oct 2015 I publicly dedicated the writing on my personal website to the Holy Spirit.
In November 2016 I started compiling and editing the .pdf document Without the idea of death and its full-length counterpart.
January 2017 was an altogether inspirational month wherein I absorbed an incredible amount of new information, but by resting in the Balanced State of Oneness, I was able to do so completely stress free and essentially without effort. I’d discovered the work of Nassim Haramein and joined the Resonance Academy and completed their course modules on unified physics/unified field theory. During a community break away session, another delegate at the academy told me of Walter and Lao Russell’s Home Study Course (circa 1950’s). I was instantly attracted to it and dived right in. I was delighted to discover more existing confirmation of Self-Knowledge. References to Haramein’s and the Russells’ work were included in the book.
These days I love my Self as the senses are polarized and I love my Self as they are depolarized. I am One with my Father in Reality where subjective emotions never were. I cannot divide God’s Reality as Resting in it satisfies all desires in One. Quantum packets of electric wave length currencies of expressed ideas make up this motion picture movie playing all around me, and I am not emotionally attached to them.