On the surface, to the ego of consciousness that is lead by the senses, I appear to be on this planet in order to live up to worldly (ego) expectations.
I appear as a woman who has the expectations of all women to live up too. I appear as a wife, as a mother, as a worker working towards the common goal of familial sense gratification. Every appearance is backed by the ego’s expectations for sense-fulfillment. Yet the senses can never be satiated, and thereby is one routinely crucified by the expectations of the ego.
What about Knowing Oneness with God, and thereby Knowing Absolute Satisfaction that transcends all sense gratification?
Self Love is routinely sacrificed in order to live up to the ego’s expectations. Surrender the ego’s expectations to rest in Self Love.
Since December 2007, I have been on a journey to go within to rest in the Silent Love of the Pulse of Life, within my own home, free of ego’s projected expectations. I do not wish for my descendants to carry on with a pattern of uninspired self-depletion: I wish for them to get to Know of their Oneness with the Source of Life itself, and be free of dependence on an image.
To that end, I have written a book about embracing Self Love in the midst of a situation where the ego reacts with terror. Instead of embarking on another “detour into fear”, I went Home to rest in Self/Love/God, while our family escaped from a house fire. It took years to be able to share this book with my family and the world and there is still great resistance; there is the ego’s terror of losing wife and mother. “Forgive them, for they Know not” — they Know not that the Source of Life is God within, not wife without, not mother without. They are wholly forgiven the belief that illusion can be kept.
The ego sources the thought to hang onto an image of Mind’s Idea and refuse to peacefully let it return to Source. Keeping the ego happy is impossible because the ego holds onto projections that can only die back to their Origin. This beholding is the problem. The Son of God, through listening to the voice for ego, claims ownership of what is made in God’s image. This is God’s Play, and the actors are all His. The ego, claiming ownership becomes murderous at the very thought of the death of an image, and sets the Son of God on a path of self-destruction. The body is not meant to suffer in limbo; it is not meant to hang from the nervous system of the cross, but to be released to Love. One must become wholly free of the very idea of death, in order to transcend crucifixion by the ego.
I wrote this book while on the family battlefield of codependency, while in the midst of the ongoing terror. It was/is a lifeline for me. Perhaps you know exactly what I am talking about in this post, and this book is a life line for you, too.