“You cannot put a barrier around yourself, because God placed none between Himself and you.” (ACIM txt pg 387)
The above passage is very dear. I have always Known of and identified with Awareness vs the body – I have always deeply Known that the perceived body barrier is not Identity. It wasn’t that I thought I was a different sex, or species. I knew I was Genderless, and Formless, and Guiltless. Gender, form and guilt were all programmed into me, and then later released. It was always upsetting when another would look at me as separate due to the body; it was ineffably and indescribably emotionally devastating. I never wanted to be singled out by the body, or to be in the spotlight with it. I preferred being alone as a child; in the absence of mirrors reflecting untruth, I found rest.
School was tough; I could never seem to make the body act the way it was expected to act. Once in grade one, I saw another student struggling, and got up out of my seat to help. It was as if the body was pulled by an invisible energy. The teacher immediately whacked the body on the head with a hard textbook, back into its seat. The same teacher used to draw great, red, felt pen X’s through incorrect work, right on the student’s desk, right under the nose. I had no words to defend against the 10 months of this “educational” tyranny. Instead I sat like a stone, my face lit red with hot shame. Not only was the body not “me”, it seemed to do things all wrong. It seemed to be on a course of destruction.
God did not create this illusion of separateness, this illusion of His Son lacking the Answer.