Recognizing the imprisoned will

In September of 2008, I left everything and got on a bus from Abbotsford, BC to Sedona AZ. I was desperate for relief from the demands of ego at home. As soon as I got on the bus, the kundalini started to rush. The imprisoned will was freed, to a degree.

But only to a degree. The will was freed to the extent of the belief in imprisonment being released. And the belief in the need for imprisonment returned when the original degrees of it did. I got back on that bus, and went in reverse. The ride home was not the same at all.

When I got back I was still in a higher state of consciousness where the body was mostly forgotten. But the state left degree by degree as the belief in bodily imprisonment returned. I remember carrying a load of laundry up the stairs and each step got harder, and harder, until I was almost out of breath. I sat down at the top of the stairs and cried. No triumph could be found in returning to clean the laundry.

And those around me were so excited to see the body; meanwhile, I had forgotten it and was relieved by its forgetting. My mom especially was really upset when I’d left, apparently, and told me when I got back how she cried the whole time I was gone. Relieving her grief over my body being gone did not match up with the freedom of forgetting it; to empathize with grief over this body being out of sight was to kill the Son of God’s Peace. I did empathize with attachment to this body, and it did kill my Peace.

No more.

Empathy for the human dilemma must stop with empathy for the dream of death. Death isn’t real. To keep the body in sight to prove the dream of death can be “conquered” in this way is ego’s course, not God’s.


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